A 55-year-old named Herr Reiner has died in the German city of Halle as a result of his hired prostitute revealing herself to be a transsexual.

Mr Reiner has travelled 100km to shag. He had paid for Priya. After 20 minutes of getting to know each other, Pray said they arranged to have sex. (In Ibiza it’s 12 minutes – Anorak Source Statistics 1999)

The 24-year-old prostitute says Mr Reiner, a truck driver by trade, appeared “sweaty with excitement”. Then, as she got naked he became “dizzy”.

His eyes rolled in his head. He collapsed on the bed. Dead.

The official verdict, according to his death certificate, is that Mr Reiner died from a heart attack brought on by an excessive use of Viagra.

He carried out his crimes at funerals, where it is a well-observed tradition to remove footwear as a mark of respect.

The man, known only as Park, would then strike. Disguising himself as a mourner, he’d remove his own cheap pair of shoes and walk off with a flashier pair.

Luckily for the distraught shoe owners, police brought the thief to heel when they caught him stealing three pairs of shoes at one funeral parlour.

The 59-year-old was promptly arrested and officers discovered the 1,200 pairs of shoes he’d nabbed laid out neatly in size order in a warehouse.

That’s some feet by our reckoning.

It turned out he was stealing the footwear to sell for his second-hand shoe business.

Clearly, he’s a Seoul trader.

Officers have now laid out the shoes at a police station to be reclaimed by their rightful owners.

If you’re finding this tale at all amusing, just put yourself in the victim’s shoes for a minute. Oh, hang on, they don’t have any…